Learning

There is more to learn than what I can manage in a lifetime.

It was very disappointing when I learned that fact. I wanted to know everything. I strive for knowledge in the most hungry of ways but yet I realized that the intricate nature of the universe prevented complete satisfaction in this regard.

However, many people won't agree with me.

Most people measure their lives in time. This is the least imaginative way to measure life. From this prospective, you are sure you live just as many years as you have during your lifetime. No reason to be disappointed.

Others use a slightly more imaginative and creative way to measure life, through achievements. These may be disappointed or may not. It comes down to the amount of achievements they are striving for. Satisfaction will depend on whether they are able to achieve everything they hoped for in their lifetime or not.

A few others choose to measure their lives by what they learn in it. The hunger for more knowledge, for more understanding of everything, is what drives them forward. It is here that people will always be disappointed. No lifetime will ever be sufficient to take everything in. It is in this group that I reside. I try to assimilate every learnable thing in the world. I don't care much for education - it's learning for life that truly interests me.

Whatever group you fall into, not one group is better than the others. It's just different needs and different shades of gray of essentially the same thing - the search for something substantial. This is the one need that every human being on Earth is pursuing, it's just that the needs can differ amongst us. In this light, there are probably an endless number of other groups that people fall into.


What group do you think you fall into?

Make life make sense

Today as I stepped out of work, I breathed my weekly sigh of relief. Finally it was the weekend. It is amazing how long the weeks are becoming. I thought that keeping myself busy with work would make the week shorter - but it's not working. The weeks keep becoming longer and longer. Ironically, the weekends are becoming shorter (since some work is seeping into them as well!)

As I put my earphones on and turned on the music, I decided to go for shuffle. There are over 2000 songs on my iPod so I'm bound to be surprised. It's interesting when you try that out and you get little signs. As the song played out, the first line of it send me thinking for many hours to come. The song starts like this:

It's down to this,
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colors of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

The words hit the nail. So many times when I'm walking alone or something I feel like the colors are seeping out of my life. It's becoming so incredible mundane - missing the vibes that have always defined it. Ironically, I did this myself. I forced those changes in an effort to find something that I once lost in my world.

It feels so strange when you build a world for so many years - you feel it is so incredibly refined and stabilized - then it's wiped out in mere seconds. The years sometimes fool us into a sense of security. We think we have created perfection if it last for so many years. The truth is, our worlds are created from our past experiences. They are built to resist the things we already know. But if there's one thing I've always known - it's that no one has known everything yet.

We build our worlds with layers upon layers of security against all the pains and faults of the past, but the moment something new comes along it can completely wipe out those worlds.

What I don't understand however, is why some of us are able to prevent anything new from invading their nurtured worlds while others have their worlds wiped out dozens of times. I squarely fall into the second category.

World after world that I have created for myself has somehow failed tremendously leaving a barren wasteland behind. It is not easy to start all over again. It never is. And the longer it is you've been creating your world, the harder it is when it comes crashing down.

So many worlds I created have been destroyed to be replaced by something new. It is just so darn hard this time around. This world was so intricately protected thanks to dozens of failures in the past. I have been creating and refining it for so many years. Yet all of a sudden, it comes crashing down. What is even worse is that it doesn't even leave and scraps with which to start a new world.

It's down to this, I've got to make this life make sense

But worlds - especially mine - strive on being senseless. That's the magic that holds them together. Does that mean that making sense of my life will make it vanish?

In the bathroom

Let me tell you an everyday story.

I was sitting in the bathroom doing bathroomy things. The bathroom, in my opinion, is a perfect place to speculate by the way :)

Now, sitting in the bathroom I saw something amazing. I saw a cockroach crawl out of the drain in the floor.

Now, like the next person, I hate cockroaches. And also like the next person in line, I don't know why I hate them, it's just an inherent feeling passed down from one generation to the other. Coupled with years and years of conditioning, I just hate the cockroach for unexplained reasons.

Sitting there I looked at the cockroach with hate. I didn't want it in my bathroom. I didn't like the fact we were sharing the bathroom. So I decided to get rid of it. I didn't want to get up and kill it. As much as I hate cockroaches somewhere along the line I decided to refrain as much as possible from killing living creatures, including insects.

Quick thinking on my side (that's me!) and I decided on the best line of action. I grabbed the detachable shower (thank God for detachable showers) and turned it on in the direction of the cockroach. Now at this stage some might wonder what the hell I'm doing. Well it's simple. My plan was to use the water to wash the cockroach down the drain again. Skillfully, I used the water to direct the sliding direction of the cockroach back to the drain. in less than a minute it was back in the drain. I smiled. Mission accomplished with no shedding of blood.

A minute later, the cockroach worked it's way out again. Persistent isn't it? I repeated the same line of defense, washing it back into the drain.

This was repeated 5 times exactly. Everytime it would work its way out of the drain, I'd wash it back in with the water. Then after much struggling, it would come out again.

It was at this point when I decided a change of action. Lets zoom all the way into the mind of the cockroach. I decided to see things its way. I decided to become the cockroach.

"Coming out of the drain, I hit heaven. Life is so disgusting down there. I hate it. But this place is amazing. It's so huge and the ceiling is so high. There are many places for me to crawl to. It's clean and it smells so good. Finally I find a place like this! I have worked so hard climbing out of the slums for this place."

Now zoom back out, and you have me hit the cockroach with water to push it back down the drain.

"Oh where is all that water coming from?! I can't hold on...it's taking me back to the drain but I don't want to go back there...I worked so hard to be here and I'm not going to be denied that! I want a better life that's all."

Mission accomplished. Cockroach down the drain. But it decides to crawl back up again.

"I want a better life. I will not give up. Even if I'm pushed back to where I started I will just gather my strength and go in stronger again. I have seen a better life - I can't settle for the sewers anymore. I know there's better out there. I must try again even if it kills me."

As it crawled out one more time, I understood.

The cockroach wanted just what I wanted. A better life. It hurt to be denied that. Just like it hurt me to be denied that.

At that point I decided I'm not going to kill the cockroach. Others might not appreciate the fact but I can't do it anymore. I can't deny others what I yearn for.

I got up and left the bathroom.

I learned from the cockroach what many people will never understand.

The Dreamers

I have lived in millions of worlds. I have seen the most incredible of things. I have known things that would sweep minds away.

I have been a pirate and an astronaut. I have ruled the whole world as the most benevolent of kings and as the most wicked tyrant.

I have walked amongst the ancient pagan gods in their heavenly palaces. I flew across the world on golden wings and surfed the underwaters with no air.

I talked to every single animal, insect and disease and lived their lives in every detail.

I met aliens from thousands of different galaxies and traveled to every corner of the universe with them.

And that is just the smallest glimpse of some of the millions of worlds I have visited. Every single one of them created with ultimate love and care. I made my home in the land of imagination, where everything is perfected like I want it to be. I have dreamed up my own existence.

Some people argue that it is all false - all lies - that it is not there.

To me, each one of those worlds is as real as the real life. I love them and I have a full community going on there!

The key lies in imagination. Such a magic word. A world-opening word. I believe that everyone is born full of imagination. If you want to see the complete magic of it, watch a few kids playing. Their imagination breeds the most interesting and strange games. They will create a game out of anything, even an old cardboard box or some crushed tin cans. That is the beauty of imagination. Wherever you look, there is something more than what the dullness of life offers.

Somewhere along the line as people grow, however, they start losing their imagination. I don't know why it happens. Maybe the rigors of life kill something inside of us. Maybe maturity and imagination cannot co-exist. Whatever the reason is, 99% of people lose their imagination as they grow up. They end up in a dry, materialistic world where nothing that you can't see with your two eyes exists.

But a trickle of people don't lose their touch with imagination. They grow up with it and it becomes part of who they are. They live every moment of it like they did when they were children. I call them the dreamers. They are responsible for everything in this world.

From the greatest scientists to the greatest playwrights and artists, imagination is the thread that led to everything fantastic. They dreamed up flying, traveling to space, Lord of the Rings....everything. They set the trend that the others - the non-dreamers - follow in. Their imagination is the spice of life.

I choose to be a dreamer - and I refuse to have it any other way.

While many dreamers from Einstein to Shakespeare have affected my life, I will forever be indebted to sir James Berrie, the creator of Peter Pan. Berrie found the world of Peter Pan when he became a child among children. He lived life their way. It was the purest type of imagination - the imagination of a child - that gave us Neverland.

Of all the worlds I have created in my mind, none is as special and unique and beautiful as Neverland. Thank you Berrie for all the years you've taught me how to see Neverland.

For all it's worth, to me it was perfect.




Are you a dreamer?

Respect

Today is World Environment Day. I decided to do something good about the environment so I took the train to work instead of my car. I reached the station and went to get a ticket. While standing in line to buy one, another guy came in and cut the line in front of me. I politely pointed out there is a queue.

Apparently the guy didn't like what I said. He turned around, cursed and swore at me, and decided I was stupid because I was "half standing in the line". To be honest I still don't understand what that expression is. However, my deduction is he meant that I was leaving a little space between myself and the guy in front of me in the line. Seems that I have to be sticking to his butt in order to be part of a line that our insulting friend would accept.

The funny thing is he actually got the ticket before me, and not a single person said a word. No one was bothered that they were all disrespected and not just me. The moment he ignored their rights and decided he should get a ticket before them - even though it's their turn - he effectively disrespected them.


All I ask for is respect.

To respect and be respected. However, it seems that this is asking too much.

I want my privacy respected, my rights respected, my morals respected and most importantly I want my humanity respected. Am I asking too much when I ask for respect?

Why does it feel like such a natural thing inside of me when everywhere I look it seems so alien?

I don't want to feel disrespected every time I step out of my house. It sometimes gets so frustrating that I feel like I just don't want to go out anymore.

I will not succumb to the temptation to give in.

I refuse disrespect and embrace respect. Respect for every single thing in the world.

I choose it all throughout my life and will fight for it. I know I'm not alone, there are others out there like me and we will get through together.

I will respect until I am respected; either in this life or in another.

At least this way I will die with dignity.

But who am I kidding? Of all people, I know pretty well that there is no dignity in death.