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Confusion Abound
They say that sometimes, when certain strongly emotions episodes take place in our lives, the world stands still.
For example, the moment you meet the person you love, time does stand still. I believe in that because sometimes, you'd meet that person in the strangest of places and instantly you'll get a strange tingling feeling. That's how it feels when time stands still.
Bad feelings can also make time stand still. When you hear about the death of a loved one life actually stands still. You feel like you're thinking about how life will be without that person, the truth of the matter is, you ARE living life without that person - maybe in a different reality but it's happening. Time stands still, you live that life and then you come back and pick up from that moment.
For me, however, something very different is happening. Somewhere - somehow, life stood still...and that's it. It's stuck somewhere and I just drift along in another life. It is that moment that I gave up and lost control of my life. I lost control of what was once - in my opinion - the most controlled life anyone can ever think of.
I have known for a while now that life is just not all rosy. For quite a while, things haven't been going the way I wanted them to. Partially, that could be because I didn't know what I wanted.
Ignorance is bless
Yet now I'm not ignorant anymore, the effect is not what I expected. I am not more focused and my vision is not clearer.
I'm more confused than I ever was before.
How can you make sense of things if you are not allowed to see the future and you only get one shot at life. It would've made sense if the choices were clearer or if the variables were less...but as it stands now, it may just be too overwhelming.
Sometimes we get used to our lives. We don't like them, but we are used to them. We delude ourselves that we are in control, when we aren't really. No one is ever fully in control of their own life. We want to change but we don't really know how. Whether we know it or not we start looking around us, trying to find a reason to change. Ignorance is bliss, but we are not ignorant. We already know there is more, even if we don't know what it is exactly.
ReplyDeleteThen something happens. Sometimes it is something small and quite irrelevant, other times it is something significant.. But we see this something as an opportunity to change what we don't like about our lives. It's already in us that we want to change, we just needed the trigger. We've been looking out for it, otherwise we would never have noticed.
These times are very confusing. They are unsettling and very stressful, but often we come out at the other side better for it. Like a caterpillar squeezing from its cocoon. It's a traumatic experience, but it must go through it without help. It's the only way it can turn into the beautiful butterfly that dances and floats among the flowers.
We all have the potential for it, if we don't give up. We just have to keep trying.
Ignorance is a bless.
ReplyDeleteyes, totally agree, living in a wild life with no fears for the future or fears of the Day of Judgment is a luxury I don't have now. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and be the old little worriless kid again :(
-Silly Ellie