Learning

There is more to learn than what I can manage in a lifetime.

It was very disappointing when I learned that fact. I wanted to know everything. I strive for knowledge in the most hungry of ways but yet I realized that the intricate nature of the universe prevented complete satisfaction in this regard.

However, many people won't agree with me.

Most people measure their lives in time. This is the least imaginative way to measure life. From this prospective, you are sure you live just as many years as you have during your lifetime. No reason to be disappointed.

Others use a slightly more imaginative and creative way to measure life, through achievements. These may be disappointed or may not. It comes down to the amount of achievements they are striving for. Satisfaction will depend on whether they are able to achieve everything they hoped for in their lifetime or not.

A few others choose to measure their lives by what they learn in it. The hunger for more knowledge, for more understanding of everything, is what drives them forward. It is here that people will always be disappointed. No lifetime will ever be sufficient to take everything in. It is in this group that I reside. I try to assimilate every learnable thing in the world. I don't care much for education - it's learning for life that truly interests me.

Whatever group you fall into, not one group is better than the others. It's just different needs and different shades of gray of essentially the same thing - the search for something substantial. This is the one need that every human being on Earth is pursuing, it's just that the needs can differ amongst us. In this light, there are probably an endless number of other groups that people fall into.


What group do you think you fall into?

Make life make sense

Today as I stepped out of work, I breathed my weekly sigh of relief. Finally it was the weekend. It is amazing how long the weeks are becoming. I thought that keeping myself busy with work would make the week shorter - but it's not working. The weeks keep becoming longer and longer. Ironically, the weekends are becoming shorter (since some work is seeping into them as well!)

As I put my earphones on and turned on the music, I decided to go for shuffle. There are over 2000 songs on my iPod so I'm bound to be surprised. It's interesting when you try that out and you get little signs. As the song played out, the first line of it send me thinking for many hours to come. The song starts like this:

It's down to this,
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colors of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

The words hit the nail. So many times when I'm walking alone or something I feel like the colors are seeping out of my life. It's becoming so incredible mundane - missing the vibes that have always defined it. Ironically, I did this myself. I forced those changes in an effort to find something that I once lost in my world.

It feels so strange when you build a world for so many years - you feel it is so incredibly refined and stabilized - then it's wiped out in mere seconds. The years sometimes fool us into a sense of security. We think we have created perfection if it last for so many years. The truth is, our worlds are created from our past experiences. They are built to resist the things we already know. But if there's one thing I've always known - it's that no one has known everything yet.

We build our worlds with layers upon layers of security against all the pains and faults of the past, but the moment something new comes along it can completely wipe out those worlds.

What I don't understand however, is why some of us are able to prevent anything new from invading their nurtured worlds while others have their worlds wiped out dozens of times. I squarely fall into the second category.

World after world that I have created for myself has somehow failed tremendously leaving a barren wasteland behind. It is not easy to start all over again. It never is. And the longer it is you've been creating your world, the harder it is when it comes crashing down.

So many worlds I created have been destroyed to be replaced by something new. It is just so darn hard this time around. This world was so intricately protected thanks to dozens of failures in the past. I have been creating and refining it for so many years. Yet all of a sudden, it comes crashing down. What is even worse is that it doesn't even leave and scraps with which to start a new world.

It's down to this, I've got to make this life make sense

But worlds - especially mine - strive on being senseless. That's the magic that holds them together. Does that mean that making sense of my life will make it vanish?

In the bathroom

Let me tell you an everyday story.

I was sitting in the bathroom doing bathroomy things. The bathroom, in my opinion, is a perfect place to speculate by the way :)

Now, sitting in the bathroom I saw something amazing. I saw a cockroach crawl out of the drain in the floor.

Now, like the next person, I hate cockroaches. And also like the next person in line, I don't know why I hate them, it's just an inherent feeling passed down from one generation to the other. Coupled with years and years of conditioning, I just hate the cockroach for unexplained reasons.

Sitting there I looked at the cockroach with hate. I didn't want it in my bathroom. I didn't like the fact we were sharing the bathroom. So I decided to get rid of it. I didn't want to get up and kill it. As much as I hate cockroaches somewhere along the line I decided to refrain as much as possible from killing living creatures, including insects.

Quick thinking on my side (that's me!) and I decided on the best line of action. I grabbed the detachable shower (thank God for detachable showers) and turned it on in the direction of the cockroach. Now at this stage some might wonder what the hell I'm doing. Well it's simple. My plan was to use the water to wash the cockroach down the drain again. Skillfully, I used the water to direct the sliding direction of the cockroach back to the drain. in less than a minute it was back in the drain. I smiled. Mission accomplished with no shedding of blood.

A minute later, the cockroach worked it's way out again. Persistent isn't it? I repeated the same line of defense, washing it back into the drain.

This was repeated 5 times exactly. Everytime it would work its way out of the drain, I'd wash it back in with the water. Then after much struggling, it would come out again.

It was at this point when I decided a change of action. Lets zoom all the way into the mind of the cockroach. I decided to see things its way. I decided to become the cockroach.

"Coming out of the drain, I hit heaven. Life is so disgusting down there. I hate it. But this place is amazing. It's so huge and the ceiling is so high. There are many places for me to crawl to. It's clean and it smells so good. Finally I find a place like this! I have worked so hard climbing out of the slums for this place."

Now zoom back out, and you have me hit the cockroach with water to push it back down the drain.

"Oh where is all that water coming from?! I can't hold on...it's taking me back to the drain but I don't want to go back there...I worked so hard to be here and I'm not going to be denied that! I want a better life that's all."

Mission accomplished. Cockroach down the drain. But it decides to crawl back up again.

"I want a better life. I will not give up. Even if I'm pushed back to where I started I will just gather my strength and go in stronger again. I have seen a better life - I can't settle for the sewers anymore. I know there's better out there. I must try again even if it kills me."

As it crawled out one more time, I understood.

The cockroach wanted just what I wanted. A better life. It hurt to be denied that. Just like it hurt me to be denied that.

At that point I decided I'm not going to kill the cockroach. Others might not appreciate the fact but I can't do it anymore. I can't deny others what I yearn for.

I got up and left the bathroom.

I learned from the cockroach what many people will never understand.

The Dreamers

I have lived in millions of worlds. I have seen the most incredible of things. I have known things that would sweep minds away.

I have been a pirate and an astronaut. I have ruled the whole world as the most benevolent of kings and as the most wicked tyrant.

I have walked amongst the ancient pagan gods in their heavenly palaces. I flew across the world on golden wings and surfed the underwaters with no air.

I talked to every single animal, insect and disease and lived their lives in every detail.

I met aliens from thousands of different galaxies and traveled to every corner of the universe with them.

And that is just the smallest glimpse of some of the millions of worlds I have visited. Every single one of them created with ultimate love and care. I made my home in the land of imagination, where everything is perfected like I want it to be. I have dreamed up my own existence.

Some people argue that it is all false - all lies - that it is not there.

To me, each one of those worlds is as real as the real life. I love them and I have a full community going on there!

The key lies in imagination. Such a magic word. A world-opening word. I believe that everyone is born full of imagination. If you want to see the complete magic of it, watch a few kids playing. Their imagination breeds the most interesting and strange games. They will create a game out of anything, even an old cardboard box or some crushed tin cans. That is the beauty of imagination. Wherever you look, there is something more than what the dullness of life offers.

Somewhere along the line as people grow, however, they start losing their imagination. I don't know why it happens. Maybe the rigors of life kill something inside of us. Maybe maturity and imagination cannot co-exist. Whatever the reason is, 99% of people lose their imagination as they grow up. They end up in a dry, materialistic world where nothing that you can't see with your two eyes exists.

But a trickle of people don't lose their touch with imagination. They grow up with it and it becomes part of who they are. They live every moment of it like they did when they were children. I call them the dreamers. They are responsible for everything in this world.

From the greatest scientists to the greatest playwrights and artists, imagination is the thread that led to everything fantastic. They dreamed up flying, traveling to space, Lord of the Rings....everything. They set the trend that the others - the non-dreamers - follow in. Their imagination is the spice of life.

I choose to be a dreamer - and I refuse to have it any other way.

While many dreamers from Einstein to Shakespeare have affected my life, I will forever be indebted to sir James Berrie, the creator of Peter Pan. Berrie found the world of Peter Pan when he became a child among children. He lived life their way. It was the purest type of imagination - the imagination of a child - that gave us Neverland.

Of all the worlds I have created in my mind, none is as special and unique and beautiful as Neverland. Thank you Berrie for all the years you've taught me how to see Neverland.

For all it's worth, to me it was perfect.




Are you a dreamer?

Respect

Today is World Environment Day. I decided to do something good about the environment so I took the train to work instead of my car. I reached the station and went to get a ticket. While standing in line to buy one, another guy came in and cut the line in front of me. I politely pointed out there is a queue.

Apparently the guy didn't like what I said. He turned around, cursed and swore at me, and decided I was stupid because I was "half standing in the line". To be honest I still don't understand what that expression is. However, my deduction is he meant that I was leaving a little space between myself and the guy in front of me in the line. Seems that I have to be sticking to his butt in order to be part of a line that our insulting friend would accept.

The funny thing is he actually got the ticket before me, and not a single person said a word. No one was bothered that they were all disrespected and not just me. The moment he ignored their rights and decided he should get a ticket before them - even though it's their turn - he effectively disrespected them.


All I ask for is respect.

To respect and be respected. However, it seems that this is asking too much.

I want my privacy respected, my rights respected, my morals respected and most importantly I want my humanity respected. Am I asking too much when I ask for respect?

Why does it feel like such a natural thing inside of me when everywhere I look it seems so alien?

I don't want to feel disrespected every time I step out of my house. It sometimes gets so frustrating that I feel like I just don't want to go out anymore.

I will not succumb to the temptation to give in.

I refuse disrespect and embrace respect. Respect for every single thing in the world.

I choose it all throughout my life and will fight for it. I know I'm not alone, there are others out there like me and we will get through together.

I will respect until I am respected; either in this life or in another.

At least this way I will die with dignity.

But who am I kidding? Of all people, I know pretty well that there is no dignity in death.

Loneliness

It was just another hot night.

Dusty polluted air filled my lungs every time I tried to take a deep breath. Why is it that some nights feel darker than other nights? How come there is darker than dark? It doesn't make sense, but the night was darker than normal.

As I stood there, surrounded by everyone in the world, I couldn't see a soul. As I reached out, all I touched is the warm and moist air.

How can one make sense of the senseless? That has somehow become an eternal quest, a struggle I have to endure. Unlike pretty much everything in my life, this was not particularly my choice either.

Everyone is talking and smiling but I can hear no one - and no one can hear me. I get up and leave. I walk away from everything. I'm off to search for something else. To search for something that makes sense. Normally, there's sense to be made even in my most confused state of mind. There's always sense to fall back on, to feel safe with.

But somewhere along the line, I lost that safety net.

As I walk out into the night that is darker than normal, I struggle to breathe the think air. I wish I at least had a shadow to keep me company. Yet at the same time I'm savoring in the loneliness resulting from the world disappearing. Does that make sense?

I'm so excited. My excitement creeps slowly over the depression of the loneliness.

Yet there is something that I need, something I search for. Something - or someone?

Flashing lights of cars passing by, horns blazing away, a plane scopes closer for the landing. Slowly the world is stripped away from all that. They're there - but they have already disappeared.

Or I have disappeared.

Yet I want to be with someone. I want to feel her life for the rest of my life. To drink of her dream as long as I dream. I just need to get closer.

But when the world disappears - what will still remain?

I take more steps into the ever darkening night. And as it all disappears, I smile.

The less there is, the more there becomes somehow.

I've never been so alone - and I've never felt so alive

The Smirk

So life is not perfect. I have come to terms with that. We all have all kind of shit to deal with. We go through a long long day at work, go home looking forward to a good night's rest, only to be bombarded by disaster after the next.

We all have methods of dealing with our problems, some more successful than others, but we all work something out. This is how we get through life after all. The problem isn't having to deal with the problems exactly however. My main problem is having to go to work again the next morning.

It's bad enough dealing with all that life throws at you, the problem is pretending you're all right when at work. Now some people would jump and say "you don't need to pretend you're ok, everyone knows we all have our problems".

That statement is not true.

You see, as 'understanding' as people look, nobody will bear to deal with a person who shows up EVERYDAY sulky for a month or two. We're ready to deal with the occasional sulkiness of our fellow workers, but to a limited degree. Then there's the second problem, no matter how good you're performing at work, you will somehow end up being labeled as "under-performing" and will eventually get to hear a little lecture on "leaving your problems behind when you go to work" from a rather 'understanding' boss.

Bottom-line is you just can't afford to show your true feelings at work to your co-workers, even though that would be really comforting.

For that reason, people devise the perfect plan to counter this problem.

Imagine you have a horrible night (for any of the diverse reasons we have bad nights for) and go to work in one of those horrible moods. You go to the coffee machine to get some early morning coffee, or maybe you're going to pick some papers from the printer, and you get to meet a fellow worker.

That person, all bubbly and happy, gives you his most perfect smile and says "hey! How are you doing this lovely morning?!"

This is when we jump start the perfect plan into action. The smirk.

It is that beautiful wide smile you force on your face and you feel it's nearly ripping your face because it is so incredible fake but you still pass it on.

With the best smirk on your face you turn to your co-worker and go "Oh I'm feeling great today! It is indeed a lovely day!"

You mingle around a little at the coffee machine or the printer, then you turn around and go back to your room/workstation/cubicle. The moment you turn around you of course lose the annoying and face ripping smirk right away. Phew! Another well managed encounter. Now you can go back to sulking alone, in peace, happy to have managed to pull off the smirk. You can regain your energy now for the next time you're going to the bathroom or something.

At this point I'd like to point out that there is an incredibly high chance that your co-worker (the one you met at the coffee machine) was also putting on his lovely smirk. No matter how much we all 'love' (ahem ahem) our jobs, they are not exactly the place we feel all happy and bubbly in.

We all need to appreciate the power of the smirk. It is so powerful that everyone has at one stage or another practiced it. Some people get so good at it and adopt it that this is actually how they smile. These are the people you feel like you want to slap every time they smile (and don't tell me you've never felt that way!)

As a matter of fact, the smirk is being taught now! If you've ever taken a customer service training, chances are you were taught how to use the smirk by a rather professional smirker (probably one of those who have adopted it as their smiles.)

The smirk has become so incredibly widely adopted that everyone has formed his own trademark smirk. I am working hard on perfecting my own right now.

Meanwhile, let me share some wonderful smirks with you now!

Either a really bad smirker, or a beginner. Only time will tell the potential of this one here.

Priceless smirk!

Typical idiot smirker!

I don't know what to make of that smirk. It just leaves me speechless. How can someone use such a stupid smirk -and get away with it - is beyond me!

Meet George W. Bush. I personally think of him as the king of all smirkers. He's had that smirk on his face for so long, it's genuinely built into his features now.

What kind of smirker are you?

The Day Humanity Failed

It was just a day like any other day. Scorching heat - but that's normal in summer right? Mood swings from really happy to really depressed for no particular reason - again totally normal for me these days.

Yet as I snaked my way around the cars in the traffic trying not to suffocate of the smoke pollution, there was something different about me. I walked to the train station like normal but as I entered the platform to take the train from, something felt wrong. Something rotten was brewing in my head and I didn't like that.

I stood there and did what has become an enjoyable hobby of mine on the train - I looked around. I look at people mostly. There is so much to learn just by looking at complete strangers. To imagine that everyone of them has a life - an existence - just like mine, that runs regardless of mine. We'd never cross paths again but that moment could be so profound...yet that is a story for some other time.

I went over my day to try to pinpoint why I was in this mood. There was a lot of killing today. Wars have erupted all around and in other places, people were dying in much more tragic ways (such as in Darfur)

As my thoughts went to Darfur, I couldn't understand how something like that could be happening to humanity. I mean - we have had so many opportunities and time to evolve into this highly intellectual race. We have developed arts and movies that bring us to tears yet such a genocide gets a mere "tut tut" from most of us.

As I stood there on the platform I heard noise. Now I always have my iPod on when I'm on the train, I like to filter everything out and just enjoy the music. The noise, however, was coming from a song on a screen on the platform. What a horrible song! Yet people were hanging around the screen thrilled with the song...people who have not been thrilled with anything all day long were thrilled by this degrading use of art. But art is different from one person to the other. Maybe I'm just ignorant of the new arts.

Finally the train came and by a stroke of magical luck, I got a seat. It's been years since I sat down in the train, I felt spoiled and I loved it!

I got out my New Scientist magazine and began to read this article that I started earlier that was keeping me thrilled. Quantum physics always thrills me for some reason. As the song on my iPod was ending and another was starting, I realized that a couple of younger guys were making fun of me because I "was reading English". I thought about jumping into one of my stances on how science is to be thanked for all the progress humanity has made...but I didn't feel like it.

Then I realized that all those past days...I have RARELY seen a single person reading on the train. When I was abroad, everyone used to read on the train. But here 99% of the people don't. There's the occasional person reading the crappy reports in the newspaper but that's about it. They spend hours commuting in utter boredom rather than read...now there is something that doesn't make sense to me.

Something was utterly getting wrong with the human race but I couldn't pinpoint it.

I finally got home more depressed than ever. As I sat at my computer to do some quick work before I eat, I heard lots of shouting and applause. I didn't know what was going on until someone told me there's an important football match today. It's a match between the two biggest football teams in Egypt. That explained why the streets are deserted. Everyone is at their homes watching the match. That explained the miracle of me getting a seat on the train.

A football match is enough to energize people to change their lives - even if for a single day.

A few men running around a green field pursuing a ball has become enough to move humans, while the daily deaths of thousands of their own race is - at the best case - met with a shrug (usually it's completely not noticed).

That was the day - that was the moment - I knew that humanity has failed.

Darkness

Be brave, be strong
It's not easy when the sky is coming down
Please be gentle with me
There's not much I can do anymore

For you, I tried, to change the world
But I didn't count on the sky coming down
Battling beasts of pain, gargoyles of sorrow
For a change, just get out of my head

Divided inside
A witness to the war of titans
Interlocked horns in the eternal battle of me
That was never how it was supposed to be

Just let me sit back and give up
I deserve that little peace
Even mountains sway in the wind
And steel yields to the heat

The eternal battle is not over
Though the battlefield has been scarred
As I walk around I shed a tear
For a place I hardly know anymore

Broken and scathed, I lay back
This is not what I wanted to be
I close my eyes and embrace
Darkness

-Written by Breathe

Confusion Abound

They say that sometimes, when certain strongly emotions episodes take place in our lives, the world stands still.

For example, the moment you meet the person you love, time does stand still. I believe in that because sometimes, you'd meet that person in the strangest of places and instantly you'll get a strange tingling feeling. That's how it feels when time stands still.

Bad feelings can also make time stand still. When you hear about the death of a loved one life actually stands still. You feel like you're thinking about how life will be without that person, the truth of the matter is, you ARE living life without that person - maybe in a different reality but it's happening. Time stands still, you live that life and then you come back and pick up from that moment.


For me, however, something very different is happening. Somewhere - somehow, life stood still...and that's it. It's stuck somewhere and I just drift along in another life. It is that moment that I gave up and lost control of my life. I lost control of what was once - in my opinion - the most controlled life anyone can ever think of.

I have known for a while now that life is just not all rosy. For quite a while, things haven't been going the way I wanted them to. Partially, that could be because I didn't know what I wanted.

Ignorance is bless

Yet now I'm not ignorant anymore, the effect is not what I expected. I am not more focused and my vision is not clearer.

I'm more confused than I ever was before.

How can you make sense of things if you are not allowed to see the future and you only get one shot at life. It would've made sense if the choices were clearer or if the variables were less...but as it stands now, it may just be too overwhelming.

Walk On

excerpt from an old Frank Sinatra song

When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of the Storm there's a golden sky
And the sweet, silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone.
You'll never walk alone.



What an inspirational song. Thank you Sinatra. Those were the best days...

This part of my life is called "catching the train"

Some people call it the train, others called it the subway and others call it the underground. For the sake of familiarity to myself however, lets call it the train.

This part of my life is called "catching the train" and I bet you that it was tougher than most parts of Chris Gardner's life (if you don't get this, go watch Will Smith's Pursuit of Happyness, it'll do you a world of good)

Now this is, to many people, a rather normal step they take everyday to get to work or when coming back or whatever. But the train here, in Egypt, is a TOTALLY different experience.

I am one of the lucky people who got a car when they were 18. It was not the newest car, but it is a lovely car. So when I decided to take my lovely 14 years old car for serious service, I knew I will be stuck with the train for a while. "It's all right" I thought. "How bad can it be anyways?"

Well, back then I didn't know the answer to that question. But now I can safely say: Really really bad.

Mind you this is not my first time on the train. But I guess when driving has been your sole mode of transportation for 7 years you tend to forget what public transportation can be like. That, or the train has grown much much worse than I remember.

So to make a long story short, I went to the train station, I got myself a ticket and went through the checkpoint and was standing there waiting for the train. It was late. That is not a problem in itself, but as I wait, more and more people kept gathering waiting for the train. I was unlucky enough to be standing in the front with a mass of people behind me.

Finally the train came.

On the ground, there was a green arrow pointing towards the train. I knew by my amazing instinct that this meant this is the door I use to get ON the train. I smiled at myself for being smart enough not to stand on the red arrow pointing away from the train (which I deduced in my eternal smartness was where you got OFF the train)

So the train comes to a screeching halt and....all hell breaks lose.

You know when you were young and you played tug-of-war in school? It was a fun game. But I always thought that everyone enjoyed tug-of-war except the rope. It probably never enjoyed tug-of-war. That is me, always considerate of other things - even if they are inanimate.

When the door to the train opened, it was something similar to tug-of-war, except instead of PULLING, it was about PUSHING. And I was the rope.

There were tens of people trying to get off the train. At the same time, there are tens of people behind me trying to get on the train. I was sure I'm standing on the green arrow but...I guess that didn't matter much. Amidst the chaos, I saw that the same thing was happening at the exit of the train marked with the red arrow.

They couldn't even agree to allow each other to pass. Each group, the exiters and the enterers, as I will choose to call them today, kept pushing as hard as they could. I really wanted to get out of it at that point. I mean, I remember thinking I can just take the next train but that was not an option. I was the buffer being pushed in the middle. I'm glad I didn't fade out, but I do remember the air becoming extremely thin. I was doing incredible effort to breathe.

Finally the 2 groups were able to break through each other. Only one problem though. For every 1 person who got off the train, 4 got on. In a matter of seconds, I found my face stuck to a wall and I was lucky to have 2 feet on the ground. I sooo didn't want to be here, but I was pushed by an incredible mass of people.

The train started to move, there was very little air to breath but...it was moving...I was on my way home. I mean, it's only 13 stations to go right? Only problem is 2 stations away was the most popular station on the whole line...

At this point I would like to make an observation. When I was in school, I was told that gases are easily compressible, liquids are barely compressible and solids are incompressible. That piece of information is wrong. I can finally disprove it. Solids are actually compressible.

The train was completely utterly full. Now, when I say full it doesn't mean there are no seats or there are many people standing. I mean there is absolutely no air inside the train cuz people are crowded so close that I literally had my face stuck to the wall because there was no space to move a single inch.

When the train stopped at that station however, at least - at the very least - 15 people got on the train. How is that possible? That's easy. Humans are solids, by the old wrong rule, they are incompressible. Apparently, humans ARE compressible, I saw it, they were able to compress 15 people into a completely full train. Like any compression attempt this requires tremendous pressure. That came in the form of 2 people outside the train who were helping push the extra people into the train from outside. As the doors started to close they couldn't because people were still stuck there. So with some effort and alot of heaving, those 2 good people were able to compress the extra people in.

That didn't affect my breathing directly, I mean, there was no air to start with. But now, besides having my face stuck to the wall, I also had someone's elbow stuck to my chest and I lost ground. There was no place to put 2 feet down anymore, that was a luxury. I only had one foot on the ground. The other was in the air.

Did I mention it was an extremely hot day? Did I mention the temperture was 36 degrees Celsius? I probably forgot didn't I? Well, it was that hot. And people were sweating like crazy and...well...lets just say that at least 95% "forgot" to put on their deodorant in the morning.

11 stations later, I struggled to reach the door. This was my exit. This was finally my chance to get out! There were 2 other people getting off the train. I readied myself and as the door opened, I had to endure the reverse tug-of-war game again - but to a lesser degree since it is a less popular station.

As I walked out into the scourging heat - I absolutely loved it. It was hot, humid and stinky...but I absolutely loved it. Anything at all (maybe excluding Hell itself) would have been better than the train!

When I get my beautiful car back I will treat her better than my best friend!

A dream

So last night I had a strange dream - and strangely I don't usually dream - so this came as a surprise.

I dreamed of...an onion.

What a bummer. I waste my rare dream on an onion. Well it's not really so, onions are actually quite peculiar and special.


For some people, life is a rather simple A-B journey. This is really cool. You get a few hurdles and everything along the way like everyone else. But it's always clear. You start at A and you want to end up at B. You might end up at B or you might not, but that's not really important is it? You still always had your eyes on B.

For others, however, it's not so clear. They start at A, and then go towards B. But on the way to B they see C - and it looks so damn interesting. They change to C. Halfway there they remember something they wanted from B so might change direction again. This is usually complicated further when D, E, F and a whole lot of other letters show up as well (after Z, there's always unicode to use!)

For the first group of people life is in sync. It's like knowing the future - but knowing a single future. Everything is streamlined and chances are they will end up with something normally nice. For the sake of my dream, we'll call that thing fruit. They'll end up with an apple or a strawberry or maybe a banana.

For the second group of people life is a hectic mess - and some of them love it that way too. They don't know the future - but they can end up with a gazillion different futures. For those people nothing is guaranteed. It's all tidal and uncontrollable. Some of them actually do end up with fruit - but usually they are more exotic such as a pineapple or a kiwi. Alot of them don't end up with that. They end up with...an onion.

When you say onion, must people's initial thought is "tears". Cutting up onions is a tedious job that many hate. But the secret is seeing the other side of things.

Medicinally, onions rank among the top plants ever. They can cure and help in so many cases it's amazing!

Then there's the awkward moment of sticking an onion into your salad. The onion usually feels out of place amongst all the colors of the salad. The truth of the matter is, they would never get along without the onion. Think of the onion as...the facilitator. Personally, I always wanted to be a facilitator. Little work and lots of praise. The onion, sadly, doesn't get those privileges, only gets the hard part. But it is, as far as I'm concerned, a job well done.

Think of a caesar salad. Where would it be without the onion?

Well, I'm a caesar salad :)


Then there are the layers thingy...but Shrek can explain that much better than me. He is, after all, an ogre :)

Arriving in Melbourne, Australia

6:30AM Melbourne

All right. For some weird reason that only lives in my mind I thought it would be superbly interesting to blog all my trip to Melbourne, Australia so here I am.

Friday the 13th. First day for me in Melbourne. Mind you I got on the plane from back home on the 11th but since I was traveling across time zones (and a huge trip) I just arrived early morning.

Interestingly, after a 21 hour trip that totally wore me out, I had a very interesting experience in the airport – and I say that in the most disgusted of ways. As I passed immigration and went to collect my bags, I was singled out, for reasons that I’m not sure of, to be searched. Now I’m sure many are saying “so what?” Well I’m sure you’ve never been searched like I was. They put on gloves, put on their best interrogation voices and started going through my bags. They pulled out every single clothes article I had, rummaged through the pockets, rummaged around the bags, checked for any hidden drawers in the bag etc.

While one of the officers was busy having a field trip on my stuff, another asked for my wallet and went wild with that. He pulled out absolutely everything I have inside. All my IDs, my cash card, debit card, pics of family and friends, souvenirs (yea my wallet is stuffed with crap that I like). All this is happening with a background of non-ending questions about my work, how long I’ve been doing it, how I’m doing it, what did I study, why did I change careers etc.

This interesting episode took around 20-30 minutes. I was the only person – the ONLY person – on the plane who got this treatment.

Yea of course I’m 100% sure it was not racial discrimination!

Ok, fine. Let’s not dwell on it for too long. I’ve whined enough!


9:00

Arrived in the hostel, check in is at 2:00pm.

Time to go explore a city.


11:00

Melbourne is a really interesting city. It reminds me a lot of London in the way the city ‘feels’. However, where London’s architecture is rather bland, it is here simply amazing! All the buildings have a strong modern influence to how they are built. I’ve been walking around the city, taking pictures of everything I see. Been stupid old me, however, I forgot to get my camera’s cable so I can’t take too many pics before I fill her up. If I’ll regret one thing about this trip, it’s not having enough pics of it.

Then fate has a very interesting turn of events for me. I go to pray in the local area mosque and as I walk outside, I saw this girl with a name tag. Now as I took a closer look at the nametag I found that it was someone I’ve been talking to online for a while! We just met there of all places in the world!

Talk about a small world!

Ok, since I don’t know if she wants to be named here, and she will be mentioned often throughout this blog, lets call her MK. I met MK there and we talked and she was extremely nice. We agreed then on meeting again later in the day.

Did that and things had a strong turn of events. We got along really good. She’s a very very nice person. We spent the rest of the evening together, she invited me to dinner with her family who were all really great to me. We then went for a walk, and for coffee, and before the day was over, her mum (incredible nice in all the traditional motherly ways possible) offered me to stay at their house instead of the hostel I was checked in.

Noticeably of course, I took the offer :)

Truth

I've been thinking about the concept of 'truth' for a while now. So many of us really care about knowing 'the truth'. The truth of everything in the universe.

But is this such a good idea?

Sometimes, it seems that living and believing a lie may be a better option. How many times has the truth actually hurt people, broken up families and best friends. Is it worth it? When such things happen, did the person pursuing the truth so fervently actually think that the truth was all it's cracked up to be?

I'm thinking about that movie "Closer" for example. That movie was so touching for me because it addressed that point exactly. You never knew if these couples were sharing truths or lies, but the search for the truth - even if they found it or not - always led to heartache.

I gotta think about this further and I'm willing to hear your thoughts about it. Did you watch Big Fish? Maybe sometimes lies ARE good. Maybe sometimes we don't need to search for the truth so vigilantly...